Crown of Glass Page 6

  If Gabe swears on his true name, he’ll have to give his true name to Adrian. None of his magic would work against him. Adrian would be able to dominate him whenever he wanted, he’d have his own pet warlock—

  “…okay,” Gabe whispered. His eyes stayed on Jenna’s. “I’ll swear it.”

  “On your name,” Adrian said patiently. “You need to say the words: I swear on the name Gabriel Fisher. Put your magic behind it, so that I can feel it.”

  Jenna fixed clouded, feverish eyes on Gabe. The cold, distracted mask he’d been wearing earlier that evening was utterly gone. In its place was anger, and terror, and a very human, unutterable grief. For the first time in years, Jenna knew, she was looking at the man she’d lost.

  A deep, dark fury rose up from inside her.

  That’s my favorite person, you son of a bitch, she thought at Adrian.

  Jenna forced her lips to move, through the power of sheer, black rage. “Come inside, Gabe,” she rasped.

  Adrian snapped his head toward her, his red eyes shocked and wide.

  A heavy, sinuous power descended upon them both like a blanket. Light refracted like a mad kaleidoscope — dizzying, breathless, unreal. All sense of balance and direction fled abruptly. Adrian staggered with a pained cry, though she couldn’t see what had made him do it.

  Warm, familiar arms closed around her. The scent of soap and coffee enveloped her.

  “I’ve got you,” Gabe whispered. “I’ve got you, Jen.”

  “God, I hate parties.”

  Jenna shot a bemused look at Gabe, as they walked back toward his apartment. His speech didn’t slur — it never did, no matter how much he drank — but he wavered just a bit on his feet, and his walk wasn’t exactly straight.

  Jenna looped an arm through his. “That’s funny,” she grinned. “Parties love you. You had a whoooole corner of girls to yourself, ‘till you pulled out your textbook.”

  Gabe rolled his eyes. “I need the textbook more than I need the girls,” he said. “I wonder if anyone else around here has noticed midterms are coming up.”

  Jenna leaned into his side, letting out a sigh. “You need a life,” she muttered. “Or at least a girlfriend.”

  Gabe cracked a hazy grin. “I had a girlfriend,” he said. “She dumped me after a month, said I had no life.” He reached down to ruffle her hair. “If you feel that bad about it, you know what you can do.”

  Jenna eyed him suspiciously. “This is gonna involve pancakes, isn’t it?” she observed.

  “Now that you mention it,” Gabe said cheerfully. “I could really kill for some of your pancakes.”

  “Drunken pancakes,” Jenna mumbled. “I can’t think of anything that could possibly go wrong with that.”

  “Hey, you owe me that much,” Gabe protested. “I promised your dad we were gonna hang out and watch movies. If he finds out I let you take your delicate self to a party, he’ll have a total meltdown.”

  Jenna groaned. “Don’t remind me, please,” she said. “As soon as I go home tomorrow, I’m gonna be the girl in the plastic bubble again. I swear, the only reason my dad still lets me come out here is because you’re studying to be a nurse. I’m lucky you didn’t go off and become a rocket scientist or something. I’m sure you still could, come to think of it. I wouldn’t blame you.”

  “Hey.” Gabe’s hand closed around her waist. Jenna blinked, as he tugged her around to face him. He was looking down at her seriously, those golden-brown eyes barely visible in the darkness. “You know I’m happy, right?”

  Jenna stared at him, confused. “Yeah,” she said slowly. “Why?” Her heart was beating a little too quickly in her chest. When had he gotten so damn tall? Why did his hand feel so hot against her hip, so hard to ignore?

  “You’ve been acting weird ever since I started this program,” Gabe told her. “Some of the stuff you’ve been saying…” He frowned. “You’re not some kind of anchor holding me down, Jen. I’m here because I want to fix you. And that’s not a bad thing.” He smiled down at her, and her heart did a strange flop in her chest. “I can be a really selfish jerk sometimes. But because of you, I have to spend my time learning how to help people. It’s good for me.”

  Jenna swallowed. “You’re not a selfish jerk,” she whispered.

  Gabe grinned. “Not around you,” he said. His fingers squeezed lightly at her hip. “I’m too scared you’d hate me.”

  “I don’t know what to do, Jen.”

  Jenna blinked slowly awake. She was tucked into bed, a cool washcloth on her forehead. A glass of water on the bedside table.

  It was a jarring, familiar scene.

  Gabe had settled himself next to her bed. His face was in his hands. It took her a second to realize that he wasn’t really talking to her at all.

  “I want to ask someone for help,” he whispered. There was an awful agony in his voice. His body shivered with emotion. “Normally I’d ask you. But I can’t do that, can I?”

  Jenna froze, uncertain.

  Every instinct in her body screamed for her to reach out to him — to hold him tight and promise to fix things. Her hand twitched longingly.

  Angry yelling. The sound of mirrors shattering.

  The memory made her clench her fingers into her palms.

  “I can’t be like this,” Gabe mumbled. “I can’t afford to be like this right now.”

  As he said the words, she felt a subtle shift in the air around him. Power tingled at the edge of her senses. Gabe raised his face from his hands. His expression was far away once again, and that distant, eerie light was shining in his eyes.

  He noticed her sitting up, and turned to face her. “You’re awake,” he said. His voice was calm, curious, with just a hint of fond worry. “Feeling any better?”

  Jenna stared at him, aghast. “Gabe,” she whispered. “What have you done to yourself?”

  Gabe frowned, confused. “I’m not sure what you mean,” he said. He breezed past the question quickly. “I couldn’t do any tests, obviously, but I’m pretty sure you’re walking around anemic, on top of everything else. If you can get some water down, I’ll look for something to eat.”

  “Gabe!” Jenna shoved herself out of bed, wavering on her feet. Gabe blinked, and caught her by the shoulders. “You’re fucking with your own head. For god’s sake, no wonder you’re a mess. You’ve got no training!” That dark anger surged back. “Where’s that goddamn faerie lord, I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind—”

  Gabe pressed her firmly back down to a sitting position. It didn’t take him much force; by the time she reached the bed, Jenna was nearly ready to collapse all on her own.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gabe said seriously. “But I’d rather you didn’t go scream at a faerie lord before you’re able to walk straight. I know I’m not the foremost expert on this stuff, but that sounds like a bad idea.”

  A thousand angry retorts sprang to mind, but Jenna gritted her teeth and forced herself to suppress them. Reacting without planning hadn’t gotten her anywhere so far.

  Stop. Think. She closed her eyes tiredly. He’s just dissociating. It’s weird and magical, but that doesn’t mean the basic principles aren’t the same. Confronting him about it directly could just do more damage.

  Jenna sucked in a breath, and opened her eyes again. “Where’s Adrian?” she asked.

  Gabe frowned. “I don’t know,” he said. “Somewhere in the Looking Glass. I haven’t gone looking for him. He’s not in any danger of dying, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  Jenna paused at that. “…I don’t know if I’m worried about it,” she admitted slowly. Some small part of her mind rebelled against those words, horrified. He’s my friend. He’s important to me. I have to go find him. But those thoughts had a strange taste to them now — they felt paper thin, less real than her normal thoughts. She groaned, and rubbed at her face. “God, that son of a bitch… but it’s almost my fault just for being so stupid.”

  Gabe
hesitated. Carefully, he slid his arms around her, tugging her forward. He tucked his chin over her head. Whatever he’d done to his mind, his pulse still beat far too fast against her cheek.

  Jenna let him hold her. She didn’t have the energy to protest. And if she was going to be completely honest with herself… it felt good. Reassuring.

  “I'm just glad you’re all right,” Gabe said quietly.

  One of his fingers trailed over her neck, where a shallow gash still lingered. Jenna blinked slowly.

  I could have died.

  It was a weird realization to have just then. She’d been so fixated on Adrian’s awful offer to Gabe that she hadn’t even thought about the possibility of her own final fate.

  A shiver went down her spine. Gabe held her more tightly, as though hearing the thought in her head.

  Jenna’s initial instinct was to set it aside, deal with it later. But Gabe’s strange dissociation made her shy away from that. Let’s just stick with one of us repressing upsetting stuff at a time, shall we? she thought to herself.

  She felt safe, with Gabe holding onto her. It was an illusion of safety. But it was a good place to be while she sorted herself out.

  I don’t want to die. I’m scared, now that I’m thinking about it. That’s normal. That’s healthy. She closed her eyes, sinking into him. I’m okay, though. Gabe might be out of his mind, but he’s not going to hurt me. I can deal with the rest of this one step at a time.

  How did she want to deal with the rest?

  Who am I kidding? Jenna sighed miserably.

  The moment she’d caught a glimpse of the real Gabriel Fisher, still buried underneath the warlock, she’d been doomed. As painful as everything still was, it had been easier by far to convince herself there was nothing to save when he wasn’t holding onto her for dear life, struggling for a foothold in his own mind.

  He made a mistake. It was an awful, horrible mistake. But he can’t have expected the consequences. The real Gabe wouldn’t have done… what he did.

  The fragile image of a life with Gabe back to normal swam tantalizingly in front of her. Jenna clutched him more tightly, soaking in his heat, his scent, his presence. My Gabe, she thought. He’s still in there. And I… I need him. I know he needs me too.

  She blinked back quiet tears, burying her face in his shirt. Gabe lifted a hand to her head, hesitant. His fingers tangled in her hair. Jenna felt him breathe out in bone-deep relief. His whole body relaxed against her. She knew she’d done the same thing. It had been so long since he’d held her like this. Years, at least.

  “Gabe,” she whispered. “I missed you.”

  His arms trembled at the words. When he spoke, Jenna heard the real Gabe in his voice. “I missed you too,” he said.

  Jenna took a long breath. She didn’t dare look at him. “I’m not going to make you leave, Gabe,” she said. “But I’m not going with you to the Looking Glass, either. We need to talk. A lot.”

  Gabe stiffened against her. Jenna felt her searching for words. “Uh,” he said. “I’m sorry, Jen. I was about to tell you, but we got a little off-track.”

  A whisper of foreboding went through her. “What were you going to tell me?”

  Gabe winced. “When I panicked before, I… I took all of us to Arcadia.” His voice turned apologetic. “We’re already in the Looking Glass, Jen.”

  Chapter 5

  Jenna disentangled herself from Gabe, casting her eyes around the room.

  It looked like her room, at first glance. It felt like her room. The moonlight that streamed in through the window was real enough that she suspected she could use it for her magic if she really wanted to.

  But it was the little details that gave it away.

  The hinges of her bedroom door were on the wrong side. The old stain on her window’s curtains was on the left and not the right. Her room was so small and square, she’d barely noticed any of it.

  Her face must have shown her horror, because Gabe pressed his hands to her cheeks, looking her in the eyes. “Jen,” he said. “Nothing is going to happen to you.” He said it with such absolute certainty that for just a second, she managed to believe him.

  Implications tumbled through her mind one after another though, and she bunched her hands in the sheets. “He’s here,” she said. “Isn’t he?”

  Gabe frowned. “That man you were with? I told you he was—” He paused. “That’s not who you’re talking about.”

  Jenna pressed her lips together. “That… thing,” she said. “The one you work for.”

  Gabe winced. “Yes,” he said. “He’s here. But… look, it’s not what you’re thinking. I barely talk to him, most of the time. He doesn’t even really do much.” He blinked slowly, as though a thought had occurred to him — placed the back of his hand against her forehead. “Though… I think he did something today.”

  Gabe’s hand was warm against her skin. Jenna frowned. She had to replay the thought in her head before it made any sense.

  His hand was warm, compared to her skin.

  Her fever was gone.

  It was a strange realization. Jenna couldn’t remember a time in the last few weeks that she hadn’t been running some kind of low-grade fever. But just in that moment, she felt… fine. Oh, she was definitely low on blood, but the awful sickness that permeated her whole body had subsided.

  Adrian made me feel good too, Jenna thought darkly. Everything has a cost.

  She shot Gabe a furious look. “You let a faerie lord mess with me?” she demanded. “While I couldn’t do anything about it?”

  Gabe looked away. “I'd hardly be able to stop him,” he said. “But I wouldn’t have, even if I could. You were… you were really bad this time, Jen. I didn’t know what else to do.” There was a foreboding sound to the words. He reached up to run his fingers back through his silvery hair. “I don’t think it’s just because of the anemia. How long had you been having this attack?”

  Jenna frowned. The question took her aback. How long… I should know the answer to that question, shouldn’t I? Normally, she kept track of things like that. But she’d been riding so high the last few weeks, with the feeling that everything was fine. It hadn’t even occurred to her to worry that every day had become a low-grade sick day.

  Gabe’s eyes stayed on her as she thought. Finally, she shook her head. “Three weeks,” Jenna admitted quietly. “I don’t think it went away even once, during that time.”

  Gabe let out a long breath. “But you’re feeling all right now?” he asked carefully.

  “…yeah. For now.” Jenna knitted her brow. “What did your boss do, Gabe? I’ve never been able to stop an attack early before.” The thought was so startling that she allowed herself to forget her natural panic over the fact that a faerie lord had been mucking around with her magic while she slept.

  “I don’t know,” Gabe admitted. “I wish I did. I asked him for help when we got here, and he went off somewhere else. He never touched you directly, as far as I know. But I felt something happen, and you started getting better right after that.”

  Jenna tried to push her way up out of the bed. Gabe sighed and ducked beneath her arm to help her.

  “You should really stay in bed for a bit,” he said. “Your fever might be gone, but you’re still missing blood.” His tone made it clear that he knew how useless the words were.

  Jenna headed for the door. “If your boss knew enough to fix me, that means he knows enough to tell me what’s wrong,” she said. “He owes me that much, at least.”

  Gabe knitted his brow. “You’ve never met the Lord of the Looking Glass,” he said. “What could he possibly owe you?”

  Jenna set her jaw. We can’t talk about that right now. Gabe’s dissociating. He’ll freak out again. “He stole you from me,” she said shortly. It was true, even if it wasn’t the truth.

  Gabe didn’t reply to that. He shifted her weight on his shoulder a bit uncomfortably. “…I don’t think you’re going to get much out of him,” he said ins
tead. “But you’re free to try.”

  The door out of Jenna’s room didn’t lead to the rest of her apartment. Just as she set foot outside it, the world tilted and blurred like a camera lens refocusing itself. Instead, she found herself in a long university hallway. Moonlight filtered in through the windows around them, illuminating everything with a soft, eerie glow. It felt familiar, though Jenna couldn’t quite put her finger on why. I didn’t go here, she thought. This is the university where Gabe studied.

  “Not that way,” Gabe murmured. There was an odd tone to his voice as he said it. He tugged her in the other direction, pushing open a door and leading them into the world outside.

  Chill evening air hit her face, and Jenna blinked.

  They were standing in New York City, just as she remembered it. All the city lights were utterly dark, however, and the streets were eerily empty. Stars soared in the sky overhead, unfiltered by the light pollution that Jenna remembered so well.

  Gabe was looking upward, his expression far away. Starlight reflected off his eyes in the darkness. How, Jenna wondered, could he be so familiar and so alien all at once?

  “It’s really beautiful here sometimes,” Gabe said quietly. For a moment, she couldn’t tell whether he was talking to her or to himself. But he glanced down at her, and managed a smile. “Weird. But beautiful, for sure.”

  Jenna found herself caught in his eyes. They were still the same shape. She could see the remnants of him in them, now that she knew to look. If I stared long enough, I wonder if I could see his soul.

  “A lot of things in Arcadia are beautiful,” she said. “All of them are dangerous.”

  Gabe blinked slowly. “I guess I just think of it like the wilderness,” he said. “Everything here just… is what it is. Even the faeries seem like they’re just complicated patterns that walk and talk. They don’t change on their own.”

  Jenna knitted her brow. “…you’ve been studying this place,” she muttered. “Of course you would.”

  That brought another familiar smile to his face. “I’m walking around in faerie, Jen,” he said. “It’d be a crime to waste the opportunity.”