Crown of Glass Page 12

  Valentine was quiet for a very long moment. At first, Jenna thought she might not respond at all… but finally, she spoke very softly.

  “I didn’t ‘ave my humanity torn from me,” Valentine said. “People think that’s how it works, but it wasn’t that way in my case. For me, it was just… time.” She closed her eyes. “When someone takes all your hope away, you eventually stop fightin’. You get along any way you can, just tryin’ to survive. You kill all th’ parts of yourself that make things harder on you.”

  Jenna bit at her lip painfully. Gabe did that, she thought. That’s exactly what he did.

  Valentine opened her eyes again. There was a strange softness to them now. “Someone showed me an unexpected kindness. One I didn’t deserve. I remembered th’ good things about bein’ human — th’ ones that I’d forgotten. And I… I got attached again.” She stared past Jenna’s shoulder, seeing something very different from the Looking Glass in her mind’s eye. “It’s not about bein’ fixed. It’s about wantin’ to be fixed. Stayin’ broken hurts less, an’ it’s much easier. But there’s good things you can’t have when you’re broken.”

  Jenna looked down. “…Gabe did something really awful,” she said. Her voice quivered on the words. “He doesn’t remember it. But he knows something happened.” She swallowed hard. “If forgiving him would make him whole again, I… I’d do it in a heartbeat. Even though it’s terrible — even if that makes me a bad person.” Pain twinged in her chest. “But I don’t know if it will. And if he does something like that again, I just… I don’t know if I can handle it.”

  Valentine slowly unfolded her glasses. “People like to say life is short,” she observed tiredly. “But life is really very long. And it’s a long fuckin’ trudge when you don’t ‘ave anything to care about.” She tucked the dark glasses back onto her face. “Havin’ hope might kill you. But at least th’ life you ‘ave will be worth livin’.” The black shades obscured her face, but there was still the hint of a distant, longing expression on her features. “My two cents. Take them with a whole heap of salt.”

  Jenna rubbed at her arms, feeling chilled. “I asked for your opinion,” she said. “I’m grateful you gave it.” She hesitated. “I said some… not very nice things to Lainey, the last time I saw her. If you see her, can you just… tell her that I’m sorry?”

  “You can tell her yourself,” Valentine said flatly. “The moment I tell her you’re in th’ Looking Glass, she’ll be here. There’s no point in pretendin’ otherwise.”

  Jenna nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she said. “You’re right. She will.”

  Valentine frowned, stalking back toward the door. She yanked it open, but didn’t step inside. “I don’t want to play funhouse mirrors for th’ next month just tryin’ to find my way out of here,” she called inside. “Where’s th’ closest exit to th’ Hedge?”

  Gabe headed out onto the observation deck, his hands shoved into his pockets. His eyes were still distant, and his silvered hair glimmered in the starlight… but Jenna found that she was finally starting to get used to it. “Second star to the right, and straight on ‘till morning,” he joked, with a boyish smile.

  “I’m sure that’s a very witty pop culture reference,” Valentine said in a monotone. “Now give me a direction, if you don’t mind.”

  Gabe sighed. “Come on,” he said, taking her carefully by the arm. “I’ll show you out.”

  Chapter 10

  Stars glimmered on the Looking Glass.

  Jenna stared out over the false city for a long time, taking in the sheer breadth of it. Her mind was working, cycling through thoughts just beneath the surface.

  “How’s the view?”

  Gabe’s voice sounded softly behind her, and Jenna closed her eyes.

  “Epic,” she replied. “I can’t get my head around how huge this place is.”

  “Well… it is a whole world,” Gabe said. He leaned his elbows onto the concrete wall next to her. She opened her eyes to see him looking out over the city, a faint smile playing on his face.

  Jenna studied him silently. In the darkness outside, with the pale starlight shining overhead, he was a perfect mix of beautiful and familiar. A whole world to ourselves, she thought. We would have loved this, when we were kids.

  That strange silver light flickered behind his glassy eyes as he stared down at the city. “Do you remember coming up here?” he asked her. “In the real world, I mean.”

  Jenna smiled distantly. “Yeah. Field trip. You were too scared to look over the edge.”

  Gabe reached over to thread his fingers through hers. “I spent a lot of my life trying to feel safe,” he said. “I don’t know if I ever got over that completely… but I’ve found bigger fears since then, I guess. The little ones feel less important now, by comparison.”

  Jenna leaned her head against his shoulder. “I know what you mean,” she sighed. She hesitated. “Gabe… some things about you still scare me. But you’re still…” She tightened her hand on his. “You’re not just my favorite person. You’re my person. I wasn’t supposed to let go of you. And I wasn’t supposed to leave you behind.”

  Gabe closed his arm around her shoulder. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “I’m just glad you’re here now. For however long you are.”

  Jenna’s heart gave a pang. She turned against him, staring up into his eyes — that pale, glimmering green, and not the friendly golden-brown she loved so much. I can’t keep comparing him to who he was, she thought. He got this way on my account.

  “I’m not going to leave you again,” she whispered. “I told you that before.”

  Gabe hesitated. She saw the moment of uncertainty in his body. “You can’t really promise that,” he said. “And I… I wouldn’t hold you to it.”

  For some reason, of all the things he could have said, that was the thing that settled her crazy, anxious thoughts. A stubborn, contrary irritation replaced all of her doubts. “Don’t you tell me what I can and can’t promise,” she shot back. “I am sticking around, and I will find a way to help you. And if you don’t like it, then too bad — you already asked, and I already said yes.”

  Gabe’s eyebrows inched upward. “Uh,” he said eloquently.

  Jenna leaned into him, locking her hands behind his neck. He closed his arms around her on instinct, steadying her. “You know what your problem is, Gabe?” she demanded.

  He blinked down at her, his glass-green eyes bewildered. A satisfyingly flustered look crossed his face. “Is this test question short-form or long-form?” he asked her. “I figure you don’t want a thesis, but I could still write a few chapters if you give me time—”

  He was trying to laugh the situation off, but there was a delicious nervousness in his voice that sent a thrill through her. Jenna slid one palm slowly down his neck, to toy with the top button of his shirt.

  Gabe swallowed. “—and I’m just assuming that multiple choice isn’t an option, because life isn’t ever that easy.” His heart sped up beneath her fingers, and Jenna smiled slowly.

  “Your problem,” she informed him, “is that you’re still talking.”

  She grabbed him by the collar, and yanked his mouth down to hers.

  Gabe froze in shock.

  He tasted like fresh coffee. Terrible coffee. She couldn’t get enough of it. Jenna threaded her fingers through his hair, grazing her teeth over his lower lip in a silent demand. His lips parted in surprise, and she took every advantage of the moment, darting her tongue between his lips.

  Gabe let out a soft groan. A satisfying shiver went through his body, and he was suddenly kissing her back, tangling his tongue with hers. The simple contact sent dizzy, delicious tingles through her. He turned to press her into the concrete wall, and though he probably didn’t intend it, she quickly figured out just how instantly she’d affected him.

  Damn straight. The thought made her grin against his mouth. A selfish, possessive need for him overtook her — and for the first time in her life, Jenna didn’t sho
ve it back down again. She dropped her hands to his shirt, unbuttoning the top to run her fingers down the heated skin of his chest. Gabe’s breath hitched in his throat at her touch, and a fresh, hungry desire thrummed through her.

  The hem of her shirt shifted upward. His thumb grazed her skin. Jenna hissed in sharply, arching against him and letting her head fall back against the iron grate. Impossible stars swam above her. A long drop and a whole world spread out behind her, but with Gabe holding onto her, she didn’t feel an ounce of fear.

  His fingers slid up the back of her shirt, teasing against her heated skin. His lips hovered over hers, and she heard the effort in his breathing as he held himself back. His eyes stared into hers, caught between incredible longing and worried uncertainty. For just a second, he looked exactly like himself, even with the strange Arcadian aura that suffused him. Her heart twinged unexpectedly.

  “I love you,” Gabe whispered. “I love you so damned much. I’ve forgotten all kinds of other things, but I’ve never forgotten that for even one second.”

  Jenna’s breath hitched. “I love you too,” she whispered back. “I have since… I don’t remember when I didn’t.”

  I can’t give up on you. I need you. I don’t care if that makes me a horrible person.

  He kissed her again — more heated, more desperate. However different he might have looked and sometimes acted, he still felt the same. The touch of his lips filled that same deep longing inside her. His fingers trailed down the side of her neck, and Jenna let out a soft moan.

  I’m alive, she thought. He’s alive, he’s here. Everything else can damn well wait.

  She tugged impatiently at his shirt buttons, snapping a few in her haste. He choked on a laugh, so she trailed her hand down his stomach and hooked her fingers into the front of his waistband. The laugh died abruptly, fading into a gasp.

  Jenna teased at the button of his jeans, dropping her mouth to nibble at his neck. “I’m going to do very bad things to you,” she promised, murmuring against his skin. “And I fully expect you to reciprocate.”

  “Oh, god,” Gabe breathed, dazed. “Am I dreaming?”

  Jenna closed her teeth on his skin again, and he jumped slightly. “Dunno,” she said. “Did that hurt?”

  Gabe seized the hem of her shirt suddenly, tugging it up over her head. Her wrists caught in the long sleeves, and he twisted the fabric in his hand, pinning them above her head. His other hand slipped up her stomach to cup her breast through the thin black fabric of her bra. His glassy eyes stayed fixed on hers, glittering in the starlight. His mouth teased at hers, less than an inch away.

  “Were you thinking of something like this?” he asked, with a slow grin. His breath tickled at her lips, but as she tried to kiss him again, he pulled back to keep his mouth just beyond her reach. His thumb grazed the bare swell of her breast, where the edge of her bra ended. Her nipples hardened instantly beneath the fabric, desperate for his touch.

  Jenna squirmed in his grip, and found it pleasantly unyielding. A very different sort of heat washed over her. “Something… like… yeah,” she managed. Another moan slipped free of her control, and Gabe leaned forward to catch it with his lips.

  Her body ached for him already, with an intensity that took her aback. She needed to touch him, to kiss him again and again, to shove him down and stake her last selfish claim on him. But Gabe had her soundly caught, and he took his time learning her body. When his fingers finally dipped beneath the edge of her bra to stroke at her nipple, she arched against him with a strangled cry, begging wordlessly for more.

  There was a fey light back in his eyes as he gazed down at her. But for the first time, she found herself mesmerized by that pale green, caught by the rapturous look in his eyes. “You’re so damned beautiful,” he murmured. “More beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen here.”

  Jenna flushed at the raw wonder in his voice. “You always say I’m gorgeous when I look terrible,” she mumbled. “Should I be worried?”

  Gabe smiled slowly. “That’s because I always think you’re gorgeous,” he murmured. He caught her mouth against his, and slid his hand down from her breast — across her stomach — beneath the waistband of her jeans, underneath the wet fabric of her panties. His finger crooked against her slit, and she jerked against him, moaning into his mouth.

  Again, she tried to writhe her way free of his grip — this time, with a bit more strength behind the attempt — but Gabe was so strong now, he found it trivial to hold her back. He slid one long finger inside her. A flash of white-hot pleasure shot through her. Her muscles clenched around his touch. He stroked her slowly, and she whimpered in need. The shock of his hands on her, his finger inside her, was simultaneously so strange and so perfect. That hot look in his eyes, the desire on his face as he looked at her, breathless… it was a side of him she’d always secretly wanted to see.

  “Good?” he teased, murmuring against her.

  Jenna moaned again. “So good,” she managed. “Oh, god.”

  He stroked his finger inside her, and she had to catch her breath against the wash of sensation. She was so keenly aware of every small movement, every little shift of his body. Gabe was touching her, Gabe was touching her, and it was so fucking good she couldn’t breathe.

  “You drove me so crazy,” he mumbled. A wicked glint came into his eyes. “Tell me the truth. Did you ever think about me touching you here?”

  Jenna flushed, embarrassed. She tightened on his finger again though, and from the satisfied curve of his lips, she knew he’d felt the reaction. He curled his finger inside her, and she closed her eyes, caught between pleasure and humiliation.

  “Hey,” he said softly. His lips brushed hers gently, and she opened her eyes to see him staring down at her with a look of such earnest love that her heart melted. “It’s okay. I’m just teasing, Jen.”

  She leaned up against him, trembling with desire. “I thought about it,” she whispered. “A lot. If I thought… if you’d ever been just a little bit inappropriate…” She pressed herself deliberately into his hand with a breathy gasp. “…I’d have let you do anything to me, Gabe.”

  The words hit him like a physical blow, driving the breath from his chest. The stunned, desperately heated look he gave her curled her toes. He dropped his grip on her wrists, dragging her mouth roughly back to his. His hardness pressed against her, and she fumbled with the button on his jeans. As she finally closed her fingers around his cock, he bit down on her lip with a groan.

  Jenna tugged his hand slowly away from her panties, sliding down her jeans and bunching the wet fabric beneath them to one side so that she could press his tip against her entrance. He slid inside her slowly, trembling with need. She was so slick, so desperate for him, that her body accepted him without much trouble, though he was big enough to stretch her out pleasantly.

  His hand settled at her hip, his fingers clenching into her skin. There was a keen, passionate focus to his eyes as he took her that sent shivers down her spine. He traced the line of her cheek, then turned his head to follow his fingers with his lips.

  Jenna arched against him, desperate to feel more of him. He moved inside her slowly, and she savored the moment, focused on the feel of his hardness within her, his skin against her skin. He tugged her jeans down further, and she wiggled free of their constraint, parting her legs to let him settle between them.

  The next stroke was deeper, harder, and she cried out, letting her head fall back. She hadn’t thought he could possibly harden any further, but the sound made him stiffen inside her, and he closed his teeth on the skin of her neck hard enough to leave a bruise. Jenna lifted her legs around his waist, tangling her fingers in his hair again. Gabe slid his hands beneath her, holding her against him.

  “God, Jen,” he gasped against her neck. “You… this is… crazy. I’m gonna lose control. I’ve got to find protection—”

  Jenna offered up a brief, fervent thank you to her younger self for having searched out a birth-control im
plant. She ground her hips against his, tightening her grip on his hair. “Lose control,” she breathed into his ear. “I’ve got it covered.”

  The groan he made at that reverberated through her. Gabe slammed into her again, with a swiftness that stole her breath. Her back was going to ache from the concrete, and she was sure she was going to have bruises on her thighs from his fingers — but as he moved inside her again, setting her nerves afire with a thousand tiny points of pleasure, she found she couldn’t bring herself to give a damn.

  A wave of delicious heat built within her. In spite of the dreamy nature of the realm, everything felt so suddenly real and overwhelming. Gabe had her against him — that was his voice in the air, husky and tight, breathing her name like a prayer. I love you tumbled from his lips again, and she closed her eyes against the stars overhead, wishing that the moment would never end.

  I love you, she whispered back, and he caught the words in his mouth with a passionate kiss.

  He hit a spot inside her then that had her seeing stars of a different kind. She dug her nails into his back, crying out into the kiss. He reached down between them with a precision she’d forgotten he possessed, rubbing slow, deliberate circles against her clit. That cry strangled in her throat, cutting off into a rising moan. The feel of his fingers drove her over the edge, and she came apart with a last sob of pleasure.

  He came right after her, jerking inside her with a last wordless moan. Jenna let her legs slide back down his waist, trembling back against the concrete wall. She was sure she wouldn’t have been able to stand without his hands still holding her up.

  Gabe pulled slowly free from her, shaking nearly as much as she was. “That…” He blinked down at her, catching his breath with a dazed look in his eyes. “Holy hell. That happened.”